The Bernie Mac Show

Main Cast

Episode Guide

Season 1

• Episode 1: Pilot
  Aired: Nov 14, 2001

  In the pilot, much to his chagrin, Bernie and Wanda are forced to take care of his sister's three children, Vanessa, Jordan, and Bryanna since she can no longer take care of them anymore.

• Episode 2: Now You Got It
  Aired: Nov 14, 2001

  Bernie's desperate to get away to Vegas with his friends, but Bryana's birthday and the germ infested children that it causes make it a difficulty.

• Episode 3: The Main Event
  Aired: Nov 21, 2001

  Jordan is tormented by bullies at school, so Bernie teaches him some moves that unfortunately turn Jordan into a monster.

• Episode 4: Bernie Mac, Ladies Man
  Aired: Nov 28, 2001

  When Wanda plans a play date for a group of kids, Bernie ends up winning over the moms for the afternoon and becoming defensive about his masculinity.

• Episode 5: Saving Bernie Mac
  Aired: Dec 5, 2001

  Bernie and Wanda bring the kids to church to discipline them, but Bernie ends up being the immature one. Later on, the Bishop and Deacon show up at Bernie's house during his poker night and suggest that Bernie allow them to use his house for bible study.

• Episode 6: Here to Stay
  Aired: Dec 12, 2001

  Bernie realizes that the kids are here to stay, so he begins treating them differently. Wanda complains that Bernie is treating the kids like roomates and holds off sex from him until he realizes the kids are truly part of their family.

• Episode 7: A Christmas Story
  Aired: Dec 19, 2001

  The kids get a dog from the pound, thinking it will be the perfect present for Bernie. Bernie finds the dog, hides it, thinking it is the perfect present for the kisd. They think he took it back to the pound, so they try and get revenge.

• Episode 8: Starting School
  Aired: Jan 2, 2002

  Separate schools have been chosen for each of the kids, with their individual needs in mind. Baby Girl's school lets each child decide what they wish to learn. A Catholic school with its strict discipline is chosen for Jordan and an all-round school for Nessa. When the first day of school begins, Bernie discovers the hard work of getting them there, presentable and prepared.

• Episode 9: Hot Hot Hot
  Aired: Jan 16, 2002

  On a hot day, Vanessa detours the family's trip to the water park. Back at home, the kids act wild and the air conditioning breaks.

• Episode 10: Wanda's Week Off
  Aired: Jan 23, 2002

  Wanda spends time with the kids and considers having a child with Bernie.

• Episode 11: The King and I
  Aired: Jan 30, 2002

  When Bernie realizes that anything he says to Jordan and Bryana first goes through Vanessa, he decides to stop fighting the situation and let Vanessa be responsible for the kids.

• Episode 12: Hall of Fame
  Aired: Feb 6, 2002

  Jordan sets his sights on joining Vanessa and Bryana on the Bernie Mac Hall of Fame awards shelf. He decides to join his school's football team after hearing that everyone on the squad gets a trophy just for participating. Bernie is thrilled that Jordan is playing football until he sees his playing skills.

• Episode 13: Handle Your Business
  Aired: Feb 13, 2002

  Bernie is booked on a popular morning radio show, and he gets himself into trouble with the whole family when he draws from his private life to bring comedy to the public airwaves.

• Episode 14: Back in the Day
  Aired: Feb 20, 2002

  At age 44, with a house full of kids, Bernie Mac starts to feel his age. He attempts to fight it, but it's a losing battle.

• Episode 15: Lock Down
  Aired: Mar 6, 2002

  When someone breaks into the Mac house, Bernie realizes how vulnerable his family is and turns the house into a high-security compound. Bernie is reminded by his friends of all the crime that happens outside of the home and drives his family crazy with his over-protectiveness.

• Episode 16: Mac 101
  Aired: Mar 27, 2002

  Impressed by the behavior and talents of another family's kids, Bernie cracks down on his own with a program of constant studying.

• Episode 17: If I Were N-Riched Man
  Aired: Apr 3, 2002

  After hearing Bernie use inappropriate language at home, Bryana goes to school and repeats itâ€"much to the horror of her teacher. Soon after, a social worker shows up at the house to discuss Bernie's hostility problems.

• Episode 18: Stop Having Sex
  Aired: Apr 17, 2002

  Bernie is concerned that the kids are exposed to mature subjects.

• Episode 19: Secrets and Lies
  Aired: May 1, 2002

  Bernie takes Jordan to a Clippers' game but tells Wanda that Jordan has had an asthma attack and had to go to the hospital. Wanda tries to help Jordan 'feel better'. He feels guilty and asks Bernie if he can admit his wrongdoing. Bernie explains that it is occasionally ok to lie, but Jordan takes it to a whole new level. He manipulates his sisters, aunt, school, and even Bernie. When the family has dinner a slew of lies are admitted by everyone in the family.

• Episode 20: Kelly's Heroes
  Aired: May 8, 2002

  Bernie lets his friend Kelly stay at the house after his girlfriend, Daphne, broke up with him. 

• Episode 21: Sweet Home Chicago (1)
  Aired: May 15, 2002

  The kids hope to see their mother when the family heads to Chicago for a funeral.

• Episode 22: Sweet Home Chicago (2)
  Aired: May 15, 2002

  The kids hope to see their mother when the family heads to Chicago for a funeral. Don Cheadle guest stars as Bernie's Cousin D.

Season 2

• Episode 1: Keep It on the Short Grass
  Aired: Sep 18, 2002

  Bernie creates a public relations disaster while facing off with Matt Damon and Lucy Lawless in a charity golf tournament.

• Episode 2: Goodbye Dolly
  Aired: Sep 25, 2002

  Bernie Mac tries to ween Bryana off her doll.

• Episode 3: Carfool
  Aired: Oct 30, 2002

  Car-pool complications wreck Bernie; a boy in the car pool starts blackmailing Jordan to be his friend.

• Episode 4: Mac Local 137
  Aired: Nov 6, 2002

  The kids go on strike, after Bernie Mac doesn't pay them for the extra work they have to do.

• Episode 5: Welcome to the Jungle
  Aired: Nov 13, 2002

  Shortly after Jordan gets a snake for a school project, Bryana and Jordan starting fighting each other like wild animals.

• Episode 6: Bernie Mac Dance Party
  Aired: Nov 20, 2002

  Vanessa fails to invite Bernie to a father-daughter dance, and it drives him crazy.

• Episode 7: Tryptophan-tasy
  Aired: Nov 27, 2002

  After eating an entire Thanksgiving turkey, Bernie Mac has some weird nightmares; ones that might be telling him something.

• Episode 8: The United Front
  Aired: Dec 4, 2002

  Bernie and Wanda strive to present a united front when disciplining the children; Wanda becomes unhappy with this strategy because she's accustomed to playing the good cop.

• Episode 9: The Sweet Life
  Aired: Dec 11, 2002

  Bernie Mac learns that he has high cholesterol, but refuses to change his eating habits/diet.

• Episode 10: Sin Cup
  Aired: Jan 15, 2003

  Jordan receives a lecture on sins from Father Cronin, but it seems to really hit home on Bryana. In addition, both Jordan and Bryana learn that Bernie Mac is a big sinner too.

• Episode 11: Bernie Mac Rope-a-Dope
  Aired: Feb 5, 2003

  Bernie offends Wanda's boss (Wesley Snipes) at a dinner party.

• Episode 12: Magic Jordan
  Aired: Feb 12, 2003

  Jordan learns some magic tricks and uses them to charm his first crush.

• Episode 13: Raging Election
  Aired: Feb 26, 2003

  Bernie calls on India.Arie to help out with Vanessa's talent show.

• Episode 14: Leaving Los Angeles
  Aired: Mar 12, 2003

  Bernie delays his Las Vegas flight to take the children to the movies as promised; Bryanna and Jordan sneak out of a G-rated movie to watch more-exciting fare.

• Episode 15: Pink Gold
  Aired: Mar 19, 2003

  When Jordan learns that Bryana has pink eye and has to miss a whole week of school, he goes crazy deliberately trying to get it too. But his results keep backfiring even in the end.

• Episode 16: Chess Wars
  Aired: Apr 9, 2003

  Jordan tries to butter Bernie Mac up by playing chess with him just so he can play paint ball. When that doesn't work, Jordan sets his own little chess simulation up, which Bernie Mac totally falls for.

• Episode 17: The Incredible Bulk
  Aired: Apr 16, 2003

  Tired of having to run to the store all the time for the kids, Bernie Mac's friends introduce him to Cost Depot. At first this solution is so simple/fun but it soon gets very addicting.

• Episode 18: Maid Man
  Aired: Apr 23, 2003

  Bernie Mac gets a maid for himself only but the kids use the maid behind his back.

• Episode 19: Nut Job
  Aired: Apr 30, 2003

  Upset that the kids laze about every Saturday, he gets them involved in extra curricular activities. But he soon learns that, letting them laze about would have been better, as he has to be good parent and help out with these activities.

• Episode 20: The Other Sister
  Aired: May 7, 2003

  Bernie Mac's other sister Benita stops by for a visit and seems to corrupt the kids.

• Episode 21: Meet the Grandparents
  Aired: May 7, 2003

  Wanda's parents come for a visit and start seeming to run the house better than them. But when Wanda and Bernie go out for a day, the grandparents have a bit of a tough time watching the kids.

• Episode 22: For a Few Dollars More
  Aired: May 14, 2003

  Bernie Mac tries to give Jordan the best birthday party ever.

Season 3

• Episode 1: Eye of the Tiger
  Aired: Nov 30, 2003

  Jordan tries out for the basketball team, but the coach decides he is better suited for gymnastics -- as a ribbon dancer.

• Episode 2: Love Thy Nephew
  Aired: Dec 7, 2003

  When a litigious neighbor (Greg Germann) asks Bernie to tear down the treehouse he built for Jordan, it leads to an all-night standoff.

• Episode 3: Road to Tradition
  Aired: Dec 14, 2003

  When the children become obsessed with gifts, Bernie decides to cancel Christmas altogether; Wanda loses the Christmas spirit when she tries to get everyone on her staff a gift.

• Episode 4: Laughing Matters
  Aired: Dec 21, 2003

  Bernie turns to Angela Bassett for acting advice when he lands a dramatic role as a stroke victim; Jordan leads a revolt at a day care facility; Vanessa pretends to be poor.

• Episode 5: Hair Jordan
  Aired: Jan 4, 2004

  Bernie takes Jordan to the local barber shop to meet his friends. Unfortunately, Aunt Wanda doesn't like what goes on there, when Jordan casually repeats things said there. Bernie tells Jordan the code; what happens there stays there. Unfortunately, he forgets the 2nd half, what's said at home; stays there.

• Episode 6: Love Bug
  Aired: Jan 11, 2004

  Bernie tries to scare away Vanessa's new boyfriend but realizes what a good role model he is for Jordan; Wanda has trouble letting go of her old shoes.

• Episode 7: It's a Wonderful Wife
  Aired: Jan 25, 2004

  Wanda disrupts Bernie's writing process as he prepares for an appearance on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."

• Episode 8: Family Reunion
  Aired: Feb 8, 2004

  Relatives pester Bernie at a family barbecue; Bernie quashes Vanessa's flirtation with a distant cousin.

• Episode 9: Droobie or Not Droobie
  Aired: Feb 15, 2004

  Bryana is upset when Bernie takes a villainous role opposite her favorite character, a friendly dinosaur (David Faustino); Jordan sells candy bars at school.

• Episode 10: J-O-R-D-A-N Spells Funny
  Aired: Feb 22, 2004

  Jordan is found to be a champion speller---until he gets in front of an audience. But Bernie's tip on beating stage fright backfires.

• Episode 11: Make Room for Caddy
  Aired: Mar 7, 2004

  Despite Bernie's offer to buy him a car, Wanda's father cannot get along with him; flashbacks show when they all met.

• Episode 12: Saving Sergeant Tompkins
  Aired: Mar 14, 2004

  Bernie realizes he may have been too truthful when telling Jordan about his father, so he amends the truth to make Jordan think well of his father.

• Episode 13: It's Mac-ademic
  Aired: Mar 22, 2004

  Bernie volunteers as a teacher's helper to assess the teaching methods used at Bryana's school; Wanda is at wits' end trying to reason with Vanessa and Jordan.

• Episode 14: The Getaway
  Aired: Mar 29, 2004

  The family goes to San Diego for a relaxing vacation; Bernie, unable to relax, goes to Las Vegas for some gambling and debauchery.

• Episode 15: Easy Rider
  Aired: Apr 5, 2004

  Bernie Mac gets a motorcycle, but after crashing and having a dream of what would happen if he died; he goes crazy safety-proofing the house.

• Episode 16: Who's That Lady
  Aired: Apr 12, 2004

  Dr. Phil McGraw counsels Bernie on how to deal with Wanda, who feels left out after Bernie and the guys draft a woman (Mo'Nique) into their group.

• Episode 17: Mac-Inations
  Aired: Apr 12, 2004

  Neighbor Carl Reiner plays the ultimate practical joke on Bernie.

• Episode 18: That Old Mac Magic
  Aired: Apr 26, 2004

  Spending time with Bernie's manager teaches Jordan some harsh realities of show business. Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson have cameos.

• Episode 19: The Talk
  Aired: Apr 26, 2004

  Bernie stops by the Playboy Mansion to get advice from Hugh Hefner on how to talk to Jordan about sex.

• Episode 20: Five Stages of Bryana
  Aired: Jun 15, 2004

  Bryana starts turning into a monster (acting like a spoiled brat, stealing things, and etc)

• Episode 21: Go Bernie, It's Your Birthday
  Aired: Jun 22, 2004

  On Bernie's 40th birthday, he is electrically shocked by an old lady and forced to be a clown at a children's party.

• Episode 22: Thanksgiving
  Aired: Jun 29, 2004

  The Mac family is invited over to one of Vanessa's teachers for Thanksgiving dinner; who are all vegetarians.

Season 4

• Episode 1: Big Brother
  Aired: Sep 8, 2004

  After overhearing that Vanessa once smoked, Bernie Mac pries into her journal. Soon he gets hidden cameras all throughout the house and becomes addicted to watching everyone's secrets. But eventually he gets more than he bargained for.

• Episode 2: Stiff Upper Lip
  Aired: Sep 15, 2004

  After Bernie takes the training wheels off Bryana's bike, she crashes and injures her jaw. Bernie is later coerced into chaperoning her and several other special needs kids on a field trip. Meanwhile Jordan, finds an old cast and uses to get out of gym class.

• Episode 3: Being Bernie Mac
  Aired: Sep 22, 2004

  Bernie must baby-sit for Bryana and deal with Jordan, who was sent home from school for pulling a fire alarm unnecessarily.

• Episode 4: Mac Overdrive
  Aired: Sep 29, 2004

  Bernie has no patience when trying to teach Vanessa to drive.

• Episode 5: My Privacy
  Aired: Jan 14, 2005

  After Bryana accidentally sees Bernie Mac naked, he has her share Vanessa's room so she can be with the same sex. But when things don't work out well, they're forced to add another bedroom, so each kid has their own separate room.

• Episode 6: Who Gives This Bride
  Aired: Jan 14, 2005

  Bernie's little sister is getting married, but the way Wanda throws herself into the planning, one would think she's the bride..

• Episode 7: Nerdy Mac
  Aired: Jan 21, 2005

  Bryana's standardized test scores prompt Bernie to send her to Jordan's school, but she is so far behind that they threaten to move her back a grade. 

• Episode 8: Stone Nuts
  Aired: Jan 28, 2005

  Jordan tries to fit in with the popular crowd and, after taking Bernie's advice, winds up losing his lunch money in a poker game.

• Episode 9: Jack & Jacqueline
  Aired: Feb 4, 2005

  Wanda urges Vanessa to join an enrichment organization she once belonged to, but they learn times have changed when Vanessa and her new friends are charged with shoplifting.

• Episode 10: Manchild in Vanessa Land
  Aired: Feb 11, 2005

  Vanessa starts dating a boy and Bernie likes him until he finds out he has a child.

• Episode 11: You Don't Know Squad
  Aired: Feb 18, 2005

  Vanessa tries to increase her chances of being accepted into a college by joining the drill team, which pleases Bernie until he sees one of the squad's provocative routines.

• Episode 12: You Got Served
  Aired: Feb 25, 2005

  After a tragic accident happens at Bryana's birthday party, Bernie Mac gets summoned.

• Episode 13: I Don't Wanna Be a Playa No More
  Aired: Mar 11, 2005

  When Jordan develops a crush on a girl at school, Bernie takes it upon himself to teach Jordan how to be a "player" and get the girl.

• Episode 14: The Big Picture
  Aired: Mar 18, 2005

  Jordan's prank anonymous phone calls have surprising consequences.

• Episode 15: The Music Mac
  Aired: Apr 1, 2005

  Nessa wants to surprise everyone with her talent for music.

• Episode 16: Walk Like a Man
  Aired: Apr 8, 2005

  Bernie is sick and tired of Jordan staying home, watching TV, and fighting with Bryana. He wants him to walk home with his kids his own age, but this makes the situation worse.

Season 5

• Episode 1: Father Knows Best
  Aired: Sep 23, 2005

  When a man arrives from Chicago claiming to be Bryana's father, Bernie is cautiously supportive.

• Episode 2: Wrestling with a Sticky Situation
  Aired: Sep 23, 2005

  Jordan joins the wrestling team and wins matches by default because there's no one in his size/weight range to battle. But Bernie Mac doesn't know this.

• Episode 3: Marathon Mac
  Aired: Sep 30, 2005

  Upset that the kids are dropping out of their extra curricular activities Bernie Mac decides to run in a marathon, but its much harder than he thought. In the end, Vanessa takes his place.

• Episode 4: The Big Payback
  Aired: Oct 7, 2005

  Upset that Vanessa is living the free life, Bernie Mac has Vanessa work for him. Shortly, after wards Vanessa learns that his co-workers get all this free stuff because they mention they work for Bernie Mac. Vanessa takes big advantage of this, until Bernie Mac finds out. Later on, Vanessa has to bring one of his precious statues home but it breaks in a car accident. Jordan offers to fix it, with of course a price (some of the free stuff Vanessa got).

• Episode 5: Car Wars
  Aired: Oct 21, 2005

  Vanessa turns to Curtis for help fixing up her junk heap when Bernie refuses to buy her a new car; Jordan schemes to attend a concert.

• Episode 6: Night of Terror
  Aired: Oct 28, 2005

  Jordan turns 13, but still acts like a monster fighting with Bryana. Eventually Jordan lets Bryana walk all over him to avoid further punishment. When he gets his gifts back, Bernie holds back an R-rated movie. Later when Bernie asks Jordan to babysit Bryana one night, Jordan accepts just so he can watch the R-rated movie behind his back.

• Episode 7: For Whom the Belt Tolls
  Aired: Nov 4, 2005

  The kids finally cross Aunt Wanda's line while Bernie's away. Bernie gives Aunt Wanda "Big Mama's Belt" to keep them in line. The kids wind up fearing her even more than Bernie Mac.

• Episode 8: Pop Pop Goes the Weasel
  Aired: Nov 11, 2005

  When Bryana's father, Bryan (Anthony Anderson), visits, he threatens Bernie's relationship with Jordan and undermines Bernie's barbecuing techniques.

• Episode 9: Prison Break
  Aired: Nov 18, 2005

  After misbehaving yet again, Bernie punishes Bryana and Jordan severely. Yet again Wanda thinks he's being too hard on them. But in the end, she catches on. Vanessa turns out to be the sneakiest of them all.

• Episode 10: Some Church Bull
  Aired: Dec 2, 2005

  In an effort to bring family members closer together, Wanda insists they participate in the annual parish retreat.

• Episode 11: Sorely Missed
  Aired: Dec 16, 2005

  This episode Bernie and Wanda seriously discuss adopting the children as their own. They talk about it in the car dealership where I try and sell them a car. This episode may have either aired on Dec 16, 2005 or Jan 6, 2006.

• Episode 12: Fumes of Detente
  Aired: Jan 6, 2006

  When Wanda invites Tasha, Vanessa's best friend from Chicago, to stay with them, Bernie is worried he will have another difficult teen in his house.

• Episode 13: Exercise in Fertility: Part 1
  Aired: Jan 13, 2006

  After several failed attempts, Bernie and Wanda realize that making a baby is harder than they thought, and Wanda begins to question their fertility.

• Episode 14: Exercise in Fertility: Part 2
  Aired: Jan 20, 2006

  Bernie and Wanda have undertaken fertility treatments. Wanda suffers from mood swings due to hormonal issues. Distracted with the idea of having a child the couple neglect to stay on top of the kids they already have. Vanessa shares her experience with babies joining a family. She explains the baby will be Bernie's own baby girl, or his son. Everyone will have to adjust, and one will be replaced. Bernie and Wanda adjust to ups and downs with treatment, having to ride out extreme highs, lows, hopes, fears, and consider how committed they have to be to the process, rife...

• Episode 15: Fantasy Football
  Aired: Jan 27, 2006

  Jordan and Bernie Mac start a fantasy football league but do poor; and Bernie Mac won't really listen to Jordan. With that, Jordan eventually goes to a different league secretly behind Bernie Mac's back. Vanessa primps herself up with make-up for her senior photo. Bryana wants some of the make up too, so Vanessa gives her some of her old makeup. But Bryana gets caught with it at school.

• Episode 16: Bar Mitzvah Crashers
  Aired: Feb 3, 2006

  After a Jewish family arrive in the neighborhood, Bernie urges Jordan to befriending the son, David. Though hesitant at first Jordan begins to develop a friendship with his new neighbor. Not long after-wards David invites Jordan to attend his cousin's bar mitzvahs with him. After receiving various expensive parting gifts Jordan and David decide to crash bar mitzvahs of people to whom they do not know in order to receive more gifts. Before long it's time for David's bar mitzvahs but Jordan comes to a dilemma because this happens to be the same day of a very wealthy ...

• Episode 17: Who's Your Mama?
  Aired: Mar 31, 2006

  Baby girls daddy Brian helps out around the house and the kids start preferring him over their Uncle Bernie causing Bernie Mac to take offense. Baby girl gets called flat chested at school and Brian and Bernie fight over who gets to buy her a new bra. Jordan competes for best smile at school.

• Episode 18: What Would Jason Do?
  Aired: Mar 31, 2006

  Vanessa's school prom is coming up so Bernie Mac picks a boy friend out for her (after doing his usual protective background check). Even after he chooses, he has all these worried fantasies. Bryana injures her ankle so Jordan has to be her servant, but in the end after Bryana took it a bit far Jordan gets some redemption.

• Episode 19: It's Never as Bad as the First Time
  Aired: Apr 7, 2006

  Jordan dates Erica, one of the cheerleaders at school. Bernie is delighted, but when Jordan and Erica break up, he tries to remedy the situation.

• Episode 20: Spinning Wheels
  Aired: Apr 7, 2006

  Wanda's sister visits and wants to throw a roller-disco party for Wanda's birthday.

• Episode 21: Growing Pains
  Aired: Apr 14, 2006

  Bernie makes Vanessa prove she can manage her money.

• Episode 22: Bernie's Angels
  Aired: Apr 14, 2006

  The kids' carelessness causes Bernie to have a near-death experience.